I'm a Sucker

No, I didn't pick up the World War III "mini-series" (but if anyone who read them tells me they're any good, I still might).

No, I'm an idiot for buying Justice League of America #8. I had dropped the series with issue 6, when I figured that a Brad Meltzer Justice League just wasn't for me, but then they go and have a crossover with Justice Society of America, which I am enjoying, so I thought, what could be the harm?

Oy.

This comic pissed me off in so many ways that it's hard to know where to start. As always, the most frustrating thing about Meltzer's writing is that it is has so many good ideas running through it that my hopes get raised, only to be dashed against the rocks of piss poor writing. For example, this issue has a fist fight between BATMAN and KARATE KID! (EDIT: better link here.) Unfortunately, it happens ALMOST ENTIRELY OFF-PANEL so that Meltzer can devote nearly seven full pages to Arsenal being unable to play capture the flag without breaking his neck!

(Update: the fight is actually seen in Countdown #50, which published one month later)

Other things that pissed me off include (but are not limited to):

The cover.

Michael Holt, Mr. Terrific, is, in fact, smart enough to beat BOTH Black Canary and Green Lantern at chess blindfolded without resorting to a trick I learned when I was seven. That's the kind of stunt Robin should be pulling. When the World's Third Smartest Man does it, he just looks like a chump.

That two page spread of the two teams "just hanging" by Shane Davis is just awful. First off, if this is such an emergency that they called in the full roster of both teams in under twenty minutes, maybe they shouldn't be standing around swapping stories and drinking, god help me, espresso out of dainty cups. Then there's the blocking. Though the dialogue suggests they're just milling, they are all facing front and turning awkwardly to talk to each other. If this had just been broken up into four panels on each page, it could have looked so much better.

And then there's the mis-characterization on that page. I know Meltzer has a reputation for "knowing" these characters, but he doesn't seem to here. Why is Stargirl gushing over Wonder Women? They've met before. Heck, they've eaten Thanksgiving dinner together. Twice! Why's Black Canary shutting down her old boyfriend Dr. Mid-Nite? He's giving her a compliment, not hitting on her. Why does Power Girl know Batman's real name? And for the love of God, why is Hawkgirl self-conscious about being at a JSA/JLA team-up? This ain't her first rodeo!

But all of that pales, PALES, in comparison to that last page. (Once again, I lament the lack of a scanner and ask for the aid of someone else in the blogging community. Thanks, uh, Wizard!)


Honestly, it's like a When Fangirls Attack nightmare. Ostensibly, it's supposed to show off the two new chairpersons of the JLA and the JSA, with the kicky awesomeness that both are former Birds of Prey! Yeah, you've come a long way, babies!

But let's face it, that's not the way it plays, is it? First, there's the sub-Greg Land photo referenced faces, which don't match the bodies they're attached to. They're not porn faces, exactly, but Power Girl's come-hither glance and lush, slightly parted lips don't scream leadership either. Black Canary's okay... but she's literally pushed into the background by Power Girl's swinging hips and bulging chest. Are these the leaders of the greatest heroes on Earth, or a couple of party girls?

And then there's the head shots. I know the roll call's traditional, but the five squares with question marks in them makes it look less like a comics page and more like a JLA/JSA fighting game with unlockable Legion of Superhero characters...

... nevermind, I would totally buy that game...

No, what pissed me off was the JSA roll call. Obsidian isn't on it! It's bad enough he was reduced to "wallpaper duty" in the first four issues of Justice Society, now he isn't even on the team? That sucks! Where the hell is he? Where's Todd Rice?

... oh, he's over here in Manhunter. Oh good. Now there's a title that's worth the price!

Hey Brad and Garth!

Take notes:

NRAMA: The first arc - "The Next Age" - how many issues?

GJ: Four issues.

NRAMA: And the team is set by the end of the arc?

GJ: Oh, the team is set by the end of the first issue. We're not going to be screwing around.

Dear Maxine Hunkel

I'm looking forward to meeting you.

I like your influences, both the original and the robotic Red Tornadoes, and from what little I've seen of you, you strike me as a fun character, a cheerful presence that the Justice Society and the DCU in general just doesn't have enough of.

And let me tell, I LOVE your costume. It might just be my thing for redheads, but well, look at you.


Your hair is shiny and voluminous, your wrap is playing in the wind, and I like the tornado symbol on your chest. You even remembered to smile for your portrait, which is more than I can say for that grump Hawkman.

Though, if I can offer some advice: I know you're super excited about joining one of the big teams and having your own superhero codename ("Cyclone," I like), but please remember to put on some underwear before going out to fight crime.

No reason for Solomon Grundy to get a peak at your secret garden.

(by the way, three makes it a conspiracy, so I have a new tag)

One, Two Punch

Y'know how I said I was working on a post about Detective 823 that I had to be careful writing? This isn't it.

It is about Detective 823, though. (Can you tell I'm procrastinating on the big post?)

So, my major complaint about the issue was the abbreviated ending. The plot's going along fine up till page 20 or so: just as Batman and Robin discover that the plant monster attacking Poison Ivy is made up of the resurrected bodies of her victims (basically putting her on the wrong side of the Swamp Thing origin story), the creature attacks, in the heart of the Batcave, and promises to kill her and anyone who gets in its way. That's a pretty good set-up.

It's a shame that Dini only has two pages left, because the entire resolution is Batman immediately releases some Bat Plant-Repellent and the creature runs away. The end.

The problem, I think, is that Dini decided to lock himself into a single issue format for his run on Detective, where each issue's main plot was wrapped up in that issue. Now, I like a good done-in-one story, but in this case I think the story would have been much better served as a two parter.

Issue one would be basically the same issue, but ending where the creature screams out its name (possibly in logo font)! Issue two would be Batman and Robin, having been put in the uncomfortable position of saving a murderer from the bloody vengeance of her own victims, teaming up with the almost assuredly treacherous but admittedly brilliant Ivy to figure out a way to stop the monster without killing it.

But then I tend to think that two-parters have the perfect pace for modern comics. One issue to explain the plot and get everyone into their positions, ending in a great cliffhanger with a one month intermission for the readers to figure out how our heroes are ever going to get out of this one, and then the second issue to provide the surprising yet ultimately obvious solution, that hopefully involves a lot of kicks to the head. One issue to set 'em up, one issue to knock 'em down.

I do know that some of my favorite stories are the two-parters. The first Zauriel story, for example, does a nice job in the first issue of explaining the four or five problems the JLA faces, including a falling Moon and Rogue Angel General on a tear in San Francisco, and the second issue resolves each conflict, one by one, until peace is restored.

Geoff Johns had a great run on JSA where every other issue ended with certain death ("Oh no, Hawkman and Sand have been poisoned and there's only enough antidote for one!") only to be followed by an issue where the team overcomes the impossible odds in some clever fashion ("Oh, Sand has turned to sand and is thus temporarily immune from poison.")

But mostly, I think the two parter takes better advantage of the serial nature of comics than the done-in-one does, without stretching out a story too much the way a five or six part arc can. The story moves, but it also has the space to get somewhere.

I think.