Happy Halloween Judeo-Christians!

First off, yes, in '99 I went as Clark Kent. It helps if you already have the glasses, a suit, and superman t-shirt, and a fedora to really complete the look.

Which brings up the spit curl, Superman's "cheating cape." The little "S"-shaped hair thing that hangs in front of his face.



Because it's NOT really a spit curl. A spit curl is plastered with gel to the forehead. What Superman has is a loose forelock. It gives him a "boyish charm," (thanks, BB) like he's so busy saving lives that he doesn't have time to comb all his hair. It just happens to form the shape of an "S." It just happens to ALWAYS form the shape of an "S." In comics, you can do that.

But you can't in real life. Not on film, or television, or your Halloween costume. A loose forelock is lucky to curl attractively at all, let alone a symbolic double curve. Mine would go straight up, my brother's would endlessly curl into itself. So the make-up artist plasters that sucker down with a beehive of wax.

Which looks WRONG. And it looks wrong because it looks like CLARK gave himself that ridiculous hair-do BEFORE RUSHING OFF TO SAVE SOMEONE. So the hair "S" goes from a sign of how much Clark values people over his hair to how much Clark values his hair over people.

The dick.

Anyway, I thought was another example of one of those things that works in comics, but just doesn't when transported to other media. Flight, psychic ability, transformation, those cross over fine. But size changing capes and meaningful haircuts? Not so much...

Ah, So THAT'S What It's For

The bare midriff is an interesting fashion. As a heterosexual male with ZERO fashion sense, all I can say is, that's kind of a hot look, on girls who have a body that can pull it off.

What it doesn't have is a lot of authority. Which is fine if you're talking about someone like Supergirl, but probably wouldn't fly on someone like Wonder Woman, for example.

So it was sort of surprise that Terry Dodson, in redesigning Wonder Woman's foes for her new series, would put a human looking Cheetah, a.k.a. Dr. Barbara Minerva in a midriff baring halter-top, especially since he took Giganta, a.k.a. Professor Zuel, out of her fur bikini and into a more sensible jumpsuit. Even if clothes are a step-up from her usual nakedness, an exposed belly button doesn't exactly strike terror into the hearts of your enemies, so the design didn't make sense to me.

Until she first transforms into her Cheetah form:



Suddenly the exposed midriff seemed clever... necessary even!



Because the midriff allows her tail to stick out the back without making a hole in her costume.

Tale of the Cape

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I usually don't mind bad science in my superhero comic books. I accept that it's a medium and a genre that allows fantastic and impossible things to happen. Sure, whenever possible, the medicine and science should be as accurate as possible, but if good science gets in the way of a good story, good science can kiss my ass.*

So I really don't care WHY Superman is strong or even how strong he is, all that matters is that he IS super strong, and most people are not, and that he uses that advantage to help make the world a better place. And before you tell me how xenomorphic biology works and what that has to do with solar light in a very narrow spectrum, you first have to explain how Batman's cape works.

Here's a fairly clean image of Batman, ganked off of JL.ToonZone.Net. Note in particular how long the cape is. The bottom points of the scalloping barely hit the middle of his calves, about two feet lower than his hands, more or less. Also note how the cape just kind of falls flat. There's stiffness and support around the collar, but by the bottom is light enough to by caught playfully in the breeze.

Now, in this classic image of Batman leaping to catch his prey, notice how the formally lank cape juts out stiffly to the sides to simulate wings. Capes don't do that. Without support, the cape should follow behind, like Superman's does under the same conditions. (God bless Batman Begins for trying, for at least acknowledging that something else would be required to pull that off). Also note that the cape seems to have grown by two more feet on either side as well.

The cape grows even longer when Batman wants to stand there looking scary and menacing. Suddenly, a cape which barely hit the top of his boots completely covers his feet and can be wrapped around him like a shroud. Before you explain how Superman flies, explain how Batman, master of every martial art known to man (and martian), doesn't trip over this extra long thing every time he throws a round house kick!

Answer:

CHEATING!

The artists "cheat" the size and shape of the cape for dramatic effect, of course. Just as the writer "cheats" the science to get the dramatic story effect he's going for. And I don't mind. In fact, I appreciate it. I don't read superhero comics looking for realism. (I'm not looking for escapism either, that's something different.) I'm looking for stories about things that CANNOT happen here, and maybe SHOULD NOT happen here, and how that effects people.

And Batman would be a hell of a lot less scary if his feet were poking out the bottom of his cape.

*(The mutant gene, by the way, I consider bad science pretending to be good science, getting in the way of a good story).