Monday Morning Macking

In the grand tradition of Friday Night Fights and Thursday Night Thinking, the Roar of Comics is proud to present:

MONDAY MORNING MACKING
We know you know how to lay out a beating. We know you know how to lay out a scheme. But how are you at laying out... the charm?

Do you come across too weak?



Do you come on too strong?



Superheroes can help! For over seventy years, men and women in tights have been teaching young Americans the ancient art of seduction,* and I'm looking to YOU, my readers, to post the best panels of your heroes getting the girl, getting the guy, getting jiggy, and most importantly, getting. It. ON.

And just to prove that there is hope for everyone, let's say you are, I don't know, a hideous rock monster who was once a man.

Are you doomed to be forever shunned by gentle companionship due to your deformed nature?

NO!

Even you, Ben Grimm, you ugly Thing you, can get.

It.

ON.

If this couch is a rockin', don't come a'knockin'!

So come one, come all! Don't Playa' Hate!

PARTICIPATE!

---

Filby shows how a real pimp takes control and makes LOVE, not war!

Johnny Zito remembers that if you can't be with the one you want, there are other fish in the sea!

The Fortress Keeper doubles your pleasure, doubles your fun and reminds you they call him MISTER Fantastic!

---

*What do you mean, "That's not what Seduction of the Innocent is about"?

Transmetropolis

This Wordballoon interview with Greg Rucka (which is independently worth a listen for his thoughts on 52, Wonder Woman, and bringing Bucky back) ends with a discussion of the viability of a new Lois Lane-centric ongoing.

Rucka states the conventional wisdom, that setting a book in a superhero-universe without having a superhero lead is a non-seller, and points to his own critically praised but low-selling Gotham Central as proof. When the interviewer, John Siuntres, counters that a Daily Planet-ensemble book would still feature Clark "Superman" Kent and therefore might be viable, Rucka laughs it off, hoping that DC doesn't have the same idea, because while he'd love to write such a series, he just doesn't have the time.

Well, Greg, as much as I truly enjoy your work (and I do), I don't think you're the best writer for a Lois Lane ongoing. You have the characters you do well (i.e. Montoya), but Lois isn't a hard-drinking soldier dealing with a dead partner and a loss of identity.

Lois Lane is a driven, quick-witted, sharped tonged reporter with sometimes more brass than common sense dealing with real, topical issues set against a fantastic/science fictionopolis, and whose hard-bitten cynical exterior protects the surprisingly vulnerable heart of a true romantic. But, most importantly, Lois Lane takes crap from no one.

Which, let's face it, is Spider Jerusalem.


I know (my MySpace friend) Warren Ellis has that pesky "exclusive" contract with Marvel, but I honestly think he'd make a fantastic Superman writer, and an even better Lois Lane writer. Anyone who's read Transmetropolitan knows he can do the journalist hero; anyone who's read his run on The Authority knows he can do the super human action; and anyone who's read New Maps of Hell knows he has the Lois and Clark playful, competitive banter down cold. Their dialogue comes off as two people who both love each other and continually want to impress each other.

So what say you, Warren? Ready to give up writing "The New Adventures of Dark Speedball" in favor of "The Continuing Adventures of Lois Lane's Husband: Clark Kent"?

C'mon, Lois Lane deserves her own bowel disruptor!

What Else You Need to Know About Lois Lane

Lois Lane doesn't take shit from nobody.

Ragnell has a post about power fantasies for women, specifically inspired by a scene where a guy's a jerk to Witchblade in her civilian persona, and instead of slugging the guy, she demures while her male companion does the hitting for her. Ragnell felt the scene was terribly unsatisfying, and was angered by the implication that it was inappropriate for a woman to lash out in violence, but okay for her man to protect her, even if she didn't need it.

To see if I agreed with her, I tried to imagine a gender reversed scenario, where the male hero demures from defending himself so his female companion slugs the guy for him. And then I realized I didn't have to imagine it, that story already exists...

... in Action Comics #1.

That's right, Lois Lane does not hesitate to smack a guy who needs hittin'. It's not always the smartest move (i.e. her opponent in this case is a gangster who tracks her down and kidnaps her, prompting the most iconic image in superhero comics), but foresight has never really been Lois's strong suit. She's more of a "leap off the building, trust someone will catch me" type. For a character whose motivation and personality has shifted a lot over her nearly 70 year existence, hard-driving ball buster has been pretty consistent.

Even at her weakest, the "If I prove Clark Kent is Superman, he'll have to marry me" Silver Age crazy period, Lois doesn't let a simple thing like constantly and publicly being proved wrong deter her from her strongly held conviction that Superman and Clark Kent are in fact the same person.

(Especially because she's, y'know, absolutely right, and if Superman didn't have a large supply of Superman robots and time travel technology, she'd have proved it years ago. I'm guessing there's an Elseworlds or Astro City type story yet to be written where Lois is the only intelligent person on Earth who can see though Clark's flimsy disguise, and is desperate to prove it to the rest of the world, but Clark, through a series of increasingly improbable feats, keeps everyone else fooled in a sadistic campaign to gaslight Lois.)

Anyway, my POINT is that Lois always acts out, never compromises, NEVER demures. Boundaries are for other people. In fact, one could say, Lois always acts the way Clark only acts when he's in costume. That is, LOIS is the hero Clark wants to be.

And that's pretty damn cool.

(Hey When Fangirls Attack! and Meanwhile! Thanks for the link!)

The People's Superman

Matthew at the Legion Abstract has a great post about class and superheroes that you need to read right now and then come back here. This started as a response but it became very long and I remembered I have my OWN blog. (post on Detective 823 continues to be delayed).

His claim, and it's one I generally agree with, is that superheroes as a genre tends to be "classist." Heroes tend to be either actual nobility, such as Wonder Woman or Aquaman, or very rich, like Batman and Green Arrow, and they fight to save the masses from themselves rather than fighting to change the social structure that keeps the poor in poverty. There are obvious exceptions, but that seems to be true, going back to the proto-typical stages of Zorro and the Scarlet Pimpernel.

My one disagreement with Matthew is that he classifies Superman as an "aristocratic" hero, and quite frankly I feel the opposite is true. Superman did and does fight for social change. In the Superman Archive, he clearly starts out as a populist hero, a champion of the working class, taking on war profiteers, state-run orphanages, crooked boxing promoters and poor mining conditions. Watch Superman lead a party of upper class twits into a mine and then bury them alive to teach them a lesson and tell me that's not a guy who fights the power.

And today he fights against class elitists like CEO (and ex-PRESIDENT) Lex Luthor and monarchic dictators like Darkseid. Compare that to Batman's typically lower class, obviously criminal, more anarchic villains. Superman fights against those who would impose their own version of order on the world, while Batman fights those who would destroy the order HE imposes on Gotham.

And while Matthew's right, it would be morally repugnant for Superman to enforce social change, Clark Kent can and does champion those changes from his job as a reporter for the Daily Planet.

Clark, after all, had a lower middle class rural upbringing and a strictly middle class life style once he became a reporter. Sure, it's a "glamor" career that makes him somewhat famous, I'm guessing he doesn't actually make that much money (Lois might). He might not have Peter Parker's money problems, but Clark almost certainly knows what it's like to worry about the bills.

But Superman is the exception here, not the rule. By nature, a superhero is someone whose unique abilities place them apart and above, sometimes literally above, most of society. That these unique beings then go on to be vigilantes, placing their own personal definition of justice above that of the police and democratically elected government, is elitist, aristocratic, and borderline fascist (I'm looking at you, Batman).

It's something that the best superhero stories tend to examine, from Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns to Kingdom Come and The Authority (and which Civil War could have explored, but disappointingly cast aside in favor of shocking last pages and easily identified bad guys.)

And it's something the blogosphere should start discussing louder. So let's begin!

Everything You Need to Know About Lois Lane

Clark Kent is the second best reporter at the Daily Planet.


Just to be clear, Clark Kent

--whose superpowers include the ability to see through walls and listen to world leaders make battle plans in their secret rooms, who is the biggest news maker on Earth and regularly hangs out in a clubhouse with all of the others--

is the second best reporter at the Planet.

In fact, the only way Clark ever beats Lois to a story is if he cheats like crazy and Lois manages to break both her arms.



(Thanks, Bully, for alerting me to Vintage ToonCast. You truly are a little stuffed bull amongst leggy supermodels.)

Don't Let the Door Hit You on the "S" on the Way Out

From what I can tell from the previews, the following is Lois Lane's plot from Superman Returns:

After Superman left, Lois was scared and indecisive. She didn't know who would protect her and keep her alive with Superman gone.

But after a long time by herself, she started blaming Superman for leaving, and became a strong independent person.

But now he's back.

From outer space.

She just walked in to find Clark there with that look upon his face.

She should have changed the stupid locks, should have made him leave his (super-gigantic) key,

if she had known for just one second he'd be back to bother... she. (work with me here)

< Disco Beat >

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

< /Disco Beat >

ahem.