Monday, July 16, 2007

Monday Morning Macking: World-Wide Edition

Sorry about last week. We're back on track today.

So, if you're going to get your mack on, there are some universal guidelines you should follow. And to help me demonstrate those rules, I've enlisted the aid of someone who's actually seen the universe, Ego, the Living Planet!

... what was that? ...Oh.

I mean, Ego, the Loving Planet.

Let's get to work:

Step One: Introduce Yourself

This is undoubtedly the hardest step, but also the most important, so take notes.

First, notice that Ego doesn't launch right into the introduction. He starts by explaining himself, slipping in a flattering compliment for planet Earth.

Second, Ego keeps it simple, right to the point. No games, no reservations, doesn't hold anything back. Just a "I'm attracted to you" and a "get to know me."

Step Two: Sell Yourself

For the more modest among you, this might seem difficult. You know you have good qualities but you don't want to brag or look vain.

Again, Ego shows the way. He leads with a supposed criticism of himself, that he's a "playa", but it's strawman, there only to justify his boast of commitment. "I would never just tell you how great I am," he seems to say, "but because of those people attacking me, I need to defend myself."

Step Three: Bad Mouth the Competition

DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP! You are not the only fish in the sea. Your intended has many choices out there, and you can stand out by making yourself look good, or making them look bad. Do BOTH, because, believe me my friend, they are!

Step Four: Be Understanding

Nobody you meet is going to be perfect. There's going to be some flaw. Don't let that stop you or you'll never get anywhere! If there's baggage, history, issues, or any static, just let it ride, and roll off you. It ain't no thing!

So, class, I hope you learned something, and have something to share as well.

Peace Out!

You ugly? Don't let that stop you! Even half a kisser is enough!

Know why? Because there's more to lovin' than just looks!


SallyP said...

I'm sorry, but my heart belongs to Mogo.

Anonymous said...

Give it up, Sally... Everyone knows Mogo doesn't socialize. You're just gonna have to acknowledge and move on, that's all.

Why not give Ego another chance? I'm sure he'd be more than happy to help you get back out there and reclaim that lovin' feelin'...

Steven said...

oh haerandir,

it's too late for Sally. You know how the girls go crazy for the ones that flash the bling and a lot of green.

Siskoid said...

If you want some real loving, you need to go to Solaris.

Darn it, I didn't have any Macking up tonight. I was thinking about it all week (the post, not macking per se), and then plum forgot today.

Next week then. (Ties string to finger.)

SallyP said...

Sorry boys, but once you've had a Green Lantern, there's no going back.


There's a Death Star/sex toy joke in here somewhere.

Siskoid said...

As promised last week, I've jumped on the bandwagon! mack on!