Thursday, May 18, 2006

Does Lex Luthor Do Drugs?

No, really. Does Lex Luthor get high? Ride the powder? Kiss the sky? Take a long ride with Lucy is the Sky with Diamonds? Smoke Smoke?

Obviously, I'm talking about post-Crisis Luthor, the powerful businessman, not the pre-crisis Mad Scientist. That guy was clearly on something. I mean, look at him!

But post-Crisis Lex acted a lot more rational. On the other hand, he was also a lot fatter.

That's a man that indulges his appetites. Though we never really see him put away a large deep dish pizza, we do see him smoke and drink fine wine and aged scotch. He openly lusts after women and usually gets them. And legality never seems like an issue to Lex.

So why wouldn't he? Or rather, why do I have trouble actually imagining him doing drugs? I certainly don't see him rolling a joint. And maybe the Michael Rosenbaum young, hip Luthor might pop a tab of E before hitting a rave, but it's hard to imagine Superman's most deadly nemesis tripping out like that. Heroin seems a little... scruffy for the bald baddie. I guess I could imagine Lex snorting cocaine. It seems like a rich man's drug.

But I guess I can't imagine Luthor getting addicted to anything. Despite the amount of alcohol he seems to have in his desk, I never read a story with him drunk. He lights his cigars only when he wants to look non-chalant. And though he has pursued many women, he has always had a goal in mind beyond sex (which makes Lex one of the few male villains who use his sexuality as a weapon).

Drugs would be a thing he craves other than power. And since Lex trades on the desires of others, giving himself such a weakness seems... out of character.

So, while I can imagine The Penguin inhaling a line with that impressive nostril, The Cheetah being blissed out on H, or the Flash's Rogues passing around a fat doobie while reminiscing about the good old days, I have to think that Lex Luthor would just say "no."

(I think the Joker would say "no" too, not because he'd get addicted, but because there really isn't a drug out there that would make him more crazed)


Mikester said...

Steven - please don't hotlink my images! I believe Blogger lets Blogspot users host images with them...just download my image and then upload it to your own webspace. I'd appreciate it!

jesse said...

The Rogues I see as more beer/painkillers guys, with maybe a third of them smoking weed. We've seen that Mirror Master has a problem with coke, and the other Rogues aren't happy about it, right?

Lex I could see jetting down to the Yucatan to take ayahuasca in a specially prepared ceremony. You know, just to clear the cobwebs out.

But I'm pretty sure our Lexie sticks to the Big Business drugs: alcohol and tobacco. I see him as the type to slowly sip a goblet of some fabulously rare cognac while chewing an unlit Cuban.

Probably gets off on controlling people with drugs, too - just another weakness to be exploited, right?

As for others:

I could see Black Adam and Ras Al Ghul enjoying some hookahs or spacecake.

Abra Kadabra smoked crack.

I'm pretty sure Black Manta's straightedge.

Cheshire's all over some kind of uppers.

Chemo? Bongwater.

The Crime Syndicate are totally twisted on drugs, all the time. All of them.

Darkseid tried a cigarette once but got sick. Hegra could totally smell it on his clothes and he was grounded for a week.

Enchantress and Encantadora are both big potheads.

I think the Floronic Man (and Swamp Thing) autogenerate psychedelic pollen and tubers.

The Forever People? HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH. Same with the Hairies, all the DNAliens at the Project, and HIghfather (duh).

Harley Quinn prefers the "candy flip:" Ecstacy and LSD, timed to peak together. I think Punch & Jewelee might have turned her onto this.

Icicle: Schnapps and cocaine.

Joker: PCP.

Killer Croc drinks methylated spirits; they're the only thing that'll let him catch a buzz aside from Ketamine, and much tastier.

Lady Vic: WAY TOO MUCH vodka. And coke.

Metamorpho can't really get wasted anymore, but this one time on Kooeykooeykooey he made himself into a dry-ice gravity bong for Booster and Beetle and Mr Miracle and Big Barda... until G'Nort barfed in him.

Phobia: Datura and jimson weed steeped in absinthe. DO NOT accept a drink from this woman.

Actually the Brotherhood of Evil/Society of Sin in general I see as enthusiastic and indiscriminate drug users. Those that can take drugs. (|M|U|R|D|E|R| is Plasmus' Anti-Drug!)

Professor Hugo Strange: Amphetamine, injected from a 1940's style syringe kept in an old-style doctor's case.

Vandal Savage: here I assume that he's taken every drug there is, or ever has been, because when you're immortal and nigh-indestructible, why not?

Captain Nazi: injects amphetamine and dolophine (methadone), just like Der Fuhrer.

Wild Dog: huffs gold paint.

Hope this helps!

Steven said...

Sorry Mike, I thought I had done that. Fixed now!

WWW said...

Yes, he does. He has anxiety and he consumes drugs like crazy. While it actually doesn't help much. But maybe phobia can be helped immediately.